Was it everything I`ve ever dreamed about?
What is the first thing you do on Tuesday morning? All right any morning? Do you open your eyes?
Well, first of all, before opening my eyes I am groping for the power button on my laptop, which I sleep with.How different was it in the childhood. First of all you obligated to make your bed, brush your teeth, dress up, get ready for breakfast. Because your mom knows better what is good for you. Unlike me. I have no idea what is good for me. I just aware of things that I can`t survive without. So now it`s rather face book, first morning cigarettes, coffee, second morning cigarettes, face book.
I am sitting undressed half into virtual reality half in my real life, but not positive which of them I take seriously. Which one is my life`s main setting. I guess not only me is faced with this quite contemporary problem. And here it goes. Face book suggests me to add to my friends a quite fancy blond girl, with whom we have one common friend. And this heartless social network have no idea how much does it hurt. Just to look at her lustrous avatar, just to imagine how tender her skin is and how his fingers go along curves of her body. Now she`s his future and now I am his past. But face book doesn`t care it just puts facts together.
If I would say that I had butterflies in my stomach I would I lie. It was massive wave of shining light spreading around my body. Was it everything I`ve ever dreamed about? Just me, walking along this narrow street, just him, standing steel in the end of it. And all this unbearably long month seems just a couple seconds that flashed in front of my eyes. And now I am able to talk to him, physically open my mouth and make sounds, a meaningful ones. I can put earlier unknown words in the sentences to express everything that I feel, that boil up inside me.
At first I thought that it was just coincidence, a very funny one. On a random Thursday, after random birthday when I randomly turned 24 I decided to hitchhike from one city of Poland to another with no plans and expectations in my head. And than I just made an extremely random post on couchsurfing, saying that I`ll be in the city in two hours, got 5 random sms, randomly picked one and ended up with love of my life.
Well technically I wish he could be a love of my life, this final destination that you reach, take of your backpack, smile and say : ”Here I am. Sorry that it took me so long’.
And there it was… Those charming hours and minutes that we spent together. Him trying to make me speak up, me looking at him and constantly smiling, catching every single his word. I honestly hate three things in the world: borders, visas and languages. Not really languages itself but the language barrier that they cause. So I was struggling, I wanted to tell him so many different things, make a thousands of jokes just to keep his cute smile up on his face, but instead of that I was linguistically raping his language. I love Polish, because it`s extremely hard, and I hate it because it`s so beautiful, so every time I speak it, it reminds me about him.
He was impressed when I hitchhike over 2500 km just to let him know that I really-really like him and even I couldn`t express it with my words the body language helped us a lot. I thought that everything is already arranged, that in this crazy spinning world we`re connected from now on till the end of the existence. That this feeling that came from nowhere will be a guarantee of the future. Guarantee of the future? I guess it was all my fault. I was assuming that he will feel my love even without me writing him letters, calling and chatting over Skype. I thought he would be able to wait in the same way as I was waiting this month in Russia looking at his avatar on face book and rehearsing everything that I would tell him when I`ll see him next time.
If I would say that I had butterflies in my stomach I would I lie. It was massive wave of shining light spreading around my body. Was it everything I`ve ever dreamed about? Just me, walking along this narrow street, just him, standing steel in the end of it.
I believe if I would die at that very moment when I saw him, standing and looking at me in his black-night clothing I`d be the luckiest person on entire globe. Cause in the most situations it`s better to die before he`d say something than after. Since when the words are already spoken you have nothing except deal with them.
It was something about the distance that lies between us, the time of silence, personal issues, self-consciousness and much, much more. And then he got in the tram and left me standing in the middle of the street.
Was it everything I`ve ever dreamed about?